Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
