I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
