She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
