hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
