You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
