apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
