I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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