do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Found your dick twin last night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
