you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
