I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
