we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
