you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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