Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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