he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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