dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
