i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
