That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
