dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
