We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
this hospital has no fireball
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
