so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
