He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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