Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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