Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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