guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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