You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
