I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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