Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
