Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
