i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
