3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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