i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
