you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So vagazzling was a success
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
