i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
