I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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