I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
