Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
