I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dicks are not precious.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
