we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
