you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
