I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
