She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
