Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
