Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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