so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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