i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize