after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
