i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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