dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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