upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
