that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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