The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
