i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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