My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
