Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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