one might say we're banned from that church
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dear god my vagina.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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