I just cut my nipple shaving
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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