But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
