Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
