So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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