thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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