I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
