Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
