Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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