I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
