Your face is a jimmy john
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
