Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize